The hand of God...

How often is it that we get what we pray for?
Maybe it would be better to ask; How often is it that we're wise enough to know that we have gotten what we prayed for?
Yesterday the relationship that I have been wanting to save and terrified of losing for over two years came crashing down around me in such a way that I could not possibly ignore the role that my shortcomings and failures as a man played in it. I laid my head down last night after having heard the woman I love call me a monster and a loser and a junkie and a couple of other things that I probably shouldn't post here.
But, before I closed my eyes, I prayed for her... That she might someday forgive me, that her pain would be soothed and most importantly that the anger and hatred she was feeling would somehow not turn on her and destroy her... Trust me that's one of the dangers of anger I know all too well from firsthand experience.
The miracle, at least the part that I saw happened this morning when she called me, despite having vowed never to speak to me again, and we had what was probably the most productive, honest and open conversations I can remember recently.
Sometimes ' happily ever after' isn't exactly the way we plan or expect it to be, but I'm learning that I don't always have the common sense to stop pushing for my version of it until I've made myself and everyone I care about miserable. I hope God knows how grateful I am for His mysterious way, and I hope she knows how proud I am of her and how much she deserves to be happy.